http://www.souzek.com/veronika/ Veronika Therese Souzek en-us lincoln@souzek.com 2008-08-17T23:35:03-05:00 hourly 1 2000-01-01T12:00+00:00 http://www.souzek.com/veronika/archives/2008_08_17_taking_off_the_training_wheels.php 2201@http://www.souzek.com/veronika/ Parental Commentary 2008-08-17T23:35:03-05:00 http://www.souzek.com/veronika/archives/2008_08_16_shes_five.php Click on the here to see more! This is what happens to me when I know I need to write about some major thing about my kids... I avoid it (not that it is hard these days), because I'm somehow nervous about handling all the emotions that will resurface while I'm attempting to write a coherent text. The keyboard and the monitor seem insufficient to convey exactly what I'm trying to say. But enough about me. Veronika turned five two weeks ago and it was by far the best birthday she has had or we have had with her. Lincoln went so far as to say that maybe 5 is the best age for having a birthday. Maybe that's true, but I'd rather not start thinking about how 5 is already the beginning of the end. I know what he meant though. It's the first birthday you can really anticipate. You know exactly what is involved and what it means and the excitement beforehand as we all know is at least half of the fun. On top of that you are not demanding and everything that by age 15 or 25 you will take for granted is still new and fabulous: the cake! the presents! the guests! You just can't have that kind of fun as an adult. I started thinking about her birthday a couple of months before, wondering if we should do/have something special like last year where we spent the day with Thomas the Train. I just couldn't come up with anything satisfying and I didn't want to hand over the birthday party to a gymnastics club or restaurant or indoor playground. Not because I dislike them that much (I dislike them somewhat) but because one, I didn't want to invite 15 kids, which is usually the minimum and two, I didn't want to spend the money and three, I realize I wanted to be part of the preparation. Maybe this is selfish, but if birthdays are for five-year-olds, then watching your child be happy because of something you did is for parents. Eventually we decided to just to the "normal" thing and invite her friends, make cake and prepare some games. As it turned out I think that's exactly what she wanted even though she probably couldn't have verbalized it. I took her to the party store to buy invitations, cups, napkins and goodie bags. She was mesmerized by that store, I will have to keep it in mind for the future, because she is incapable of speaking or hearing in there. The amount of stuff is just overwhelming. She picked out a pinata shaped like a tiara and when we headed home she couldn't stop talking about the store and what was in it and what else we needed. I think being involved in the preparations was really up her alley.. she's a little organizer and likes to take care of things (or being in control?). We came home and the invitations had to be written and sent immediately. Again, writing cards and letters is one of her favorite things, so that worked out great. Most of the kids came (Tea, my cousin's daughter was here already, then Drew, the neighbor's kids Kaitleen and A.J.) and several adults too (Katie, James and Jill). I had set up a craft for the kids, they were to make their own party hats. Luckily they all took to it and glitter was spilled in abundance. The engineering wasn't perfect (party hats need very thin elastic for example, anything bigger will be too tough under the chin...), but I have time to practice in the next few years. We took some pictures of the kids with their new hats. After that we had some hot dogs and opened presents (oh the presents, they would be a story themselves). Then, finally it was time for the pinata (Can we do the pinata yet? Is it time for the pinata?). Lincoln tied it between the staircase railing and the fence outside.. and then we started hitting.. and hitting and hitting and that thing would not break. Only after the adults started helping did it budge and the candy fell out... finally. The whole thing was a lot of fun though and was probably the highlight of the party. The kids had grabbed their goodie bags and filled them with the loot for the pinata. After that it was time for cake and candles. I had asked her what cake she wanted but her answers changed weekly and daily until I just started agreeing and concluded I'd make what I could knowing what she liked. It ended up being a 3-layer chocolate and strawberry cream cake with white vanilla frosting, with a pink and purple butterfly on it - oh and her name spelled out. She blew the candles out immediately,when I had barely set the cake down. "Mama, you gotta try this frosting, it's SO GOOD." Ah. My baby. If you only knew. The whole event was amazing to watch. She was so excited, so so happy but also very focused. You could see her running around, opening the door when the bell rang, making sure all her friends were doing ok and what they were supposed to. She even organized the party-hat-photo. You can see her holding Ivan's hand in it with her smile bright and ready... She kept telling me how much fun she was having .."I love my birthday, mama!" and "You had a better idea for the goodies bags!" (I think she liked the part where they got to fill it themselves instead of getting them full already). You can tell she considered herself a full member of the party-planning committee, which is so sweet... If you know Veronika, you understand that her having adult responsibilities is something very important. She's probably never looked forward to a day so much in her life and it seems it lived up to every expectation. On top of that there was never an emotional breakdown from all the attention and excitement, no pesky toddler-hormones to overcome. She was just in her element and enjoyed herself and everyone around her. I don't know who was happier at the end of that day, she or her parents. We just couldn't really process it... Every birthday is an anniversary for us, where inevitably we think back how it all started and it's just impossible to understand it all in a calm and logical fashion. Every child still feels like an enormous explosion in your life. It's impossible to determine it's scope and intensity and a birthday like this makes you look at it again and wonder how you deserved it. Lincoln and I talked about it for days afterwards. She was so happy... She had so much fun... And she said this to me... Remember...? Thank you for a wonderful birthday, baby girl! 2198@http://www.souzek.com/veronika/ Parental Commentary 2008-08-16T11:13:41-05:00 http://www.souzek.com/veronika/archives/2008_08_16_she_didnt_look_like_she_was_bothered_by_it.php In the bathtub, both kids are playing around, when there is a suspicious noise... Veronika: Ivan?! What was that? Ivan (grinning): Furzi... (fart) Veronika (inhales): YEAH. I can smell it! 2197@http://www.souzek.com/veronika/ Parental Commentary 2008-08-16T11:11:45-05:00 http://www.souzek.com/veronika/archives/2008_07_24_logic.php Veronika and Ivan discuss something while putting their shoes on... Veronika: So. Ivan. Can brothers and sisters marry each other? Ivan: *somethingsomething* Veronika: What? You want to marry Bibap (Phil)? Ivan: Yeah! Veronika (exasperated): Ivan! You can't marry Bibap. He's ALREADY married! 2167@http://www.souzek.com/veronika/ Parental Commentary 2008-07-24T21:45:02-05:00 http://www.souzek.com/veronika/archives/2008_04_13_the_real_world.php 2043@http://www.souzek.com/veronika/ Parental Commentary 2008-04-13T21:55:28-05:00 http://www.souzek.com/veronika/archives/2008_04_07_im_just_a_bad_mother_oopswell_that_too_maybe.php Veronika, exasperated, yells: You NEVER let me play with ANY scissors! 2035@http://www.souzek.com/veronika/ Parental Commentary 2008-04-07T12:44:27-05:00 http://www.souzek.com/veronika/archives/2008_02_29_overheard.php (Veronika and Ivan are pretend-playing... something) Veronika: Ivan, you are the DAD! Ivan: Shay (= OK) Veronika (yelling): DAD! I have a problem for you! The kids are bunking me!!! Tell them to go to bed! Kids! Go to bed! It's FIFTY hours already! 1991@http://www.souzek.com/veronika/ Parental Commentary 2008-02-29T12:07:20-05:00 http://www.souzek.com/veronika/archives/2007_12_06_reluctant_dancing_queen.php Veronika attended a pre-ballet class for three and four-year-olds this fall. She had a great time and I would've signed her up for the next session but the class is on Thursdays at 12.30pm, basically an hour after she gets out of preschool and it's just not enough time to get ready in peace. I dreaded Thursdays because Veronika is four and not fast and I'd have to constantly hurry her with lunch and changing and then Ivan had to come along and he would refuse to cooperate half the time because it was his naptime... and anyway. I will wait until fall when she is five and enroll her in another school (this was a class at the Bethel Municipal Center), hopefully with better hours. For the last class the parents were invited to come and watch and take pictures. I was very excited about this, but Veronika was not. So much so that she was crying on the way there saying "Mama, I don't want you to watch me..." This is not news to me, she usually freezes even in very informal preschool activities, just because I'm there. I realize this is emotionally just too much for her, but then again I was not going to give up on my only opportunity to see what she was actually doing for two months every Thursday. I thought I had calmed her down enough, but when we finally arrived (late of course) and I ushered her in to join the the group (and parked Ivan in a stroller, handed him some pretzels, whipped out my camera, attached my flash... do you see what I mean? This is a lot of work. I'm pregnant. I can't do this.) she made a few movements but then dissolved in tears begging me to leave... Then we went outside and I negotiated and negotiated and finally she said I could watch if I stayed by the door (behind the wall) where she wouldn't see me. I did that at first, but then crawled slowly down behind Ivan's stroller and while her teacher took her by the hand and helped her join everyone I managed to emerge from my hiding place and snap pictures here and there. She kept checking on me at first and I would try to duck every time... which eventually she found funny and luckily half way through she was not concerned about me watching anymore. I managed to take a bunch of pictures, although I realized it is so very hard to do. The ceilings were high and apparently you have to position the flash differently than usual, so lots of the pictures are blurry. Also, I could not anticipate which direction the girls were going to go and when and so I missed a lot. Overall the pictures are not exciting, but I love how some of them captured her expression (very focused, very much in-the-moment) and some of her movements. It's so much fun watching your child being completely immersed in an activity. I was very glad to see that, because it means the class was the right amount of challenge and fun and she got the right thing out of it... At this stage I don't consider "success" or talent so important when it comes to artistic or physical activities, or "how far is she going to go?" but more whether she found herself positively absorbed - relaxed and with no stress, but with sufficient challenge to gain some confidence. Anyway, here is the whole photoset: Veronika's dance class (There was no requirement for the color of leotard and I was going to buy her a pink one, but they were all sold out by the time I started looking. So at first it felt like she was "different" but in the end I liked the way she stood out. I also didn't get any tutus and frills, I'm not so fond of that at this stage. For dress-up play fine, but for class... I don't know. It's too much. They're just kids learning, it shouldn't be about the costume.) 1892@http://www.souzek.com/veronika/ Parental Commentary 2007-12-06T21:24:11-05:00 http://www.souzek.com/veronika/archives/2007_11_28_where_do_i_start.php It's November now and Christmas is approaching. I knew this year would be even better than last year, but I'm thinking I have no idea. Veronika understands now the concept of future, which has incredible impact on the present. She anticipates things like making the advent wreath or presents or putting up a tree. I can see the thought of some of it is just too much for her to handle. At this age her feelings are still all out in the open and I am riding the waves of excitement with her. It is so exhilarating that I'm not sure I can really bear it all and I'm worried because life gets busy and I could miss something. Veronika loves to do crafts with me, basically any kinds, cutting or glueing or sewing (there is more watching than actual sewing going on, but still) or baking. I don't know if this is a stage or if it's really a preference of hers. I don't dare to imagine she could end up liking it for real, because that would be too wonderful a thought and I don't want to put pressure on her, even if just unconsciously. But anyway, she is very earnestly participating in picking out decorations and craft supplies. We were going to make a wreath for the door and still have to make an advent wreath with candles. It took a while to explain the difference, but she wanted to know everything. She also asked why we did this, so I just said it's to get ready for Christmas. Turns out, she really remembered it. When we went to the grocery store the other day, she was completely taken by the lights and decorations. She stood there with her mouth wide open... then she said: "They are getting ready for Christmas! Everyone's getting ready. We just have one thing, but we're getting ready!" *** She is doing great in preschool. Her teacher says she is basically ready for kindergarten. She can write her name and last name and counts to 100 and can do even some basic adding and subtracting. She loves to do art and always comes home with some kind of drawing or card she made. Her drawings are getting more recognizable and it's really fun to see what she thinks of emphasizing (hair/ponytail, face and toes). She adores Ms Kelly, her main teacher and suggested she live with us. ("Maybe when Ms Kelly's bed gets old she can live with us and sleep on the couch?") The teachers in preschool also tell me how motherly Veronika gets with new and younger kids. She takes them by the hand and tells them what to do and says encouraging things like "Don't cry, your mommy is coming back soon" or "You can do it, just try again!". I've witnessed this once when I came during school hours to take pictures. There is a set of triplets, who are younger and smaller than everyone else. Veronika takes them by the hand and helps them wash their hands etc. "I have to help the babies!" she tells me. Veronika also did a two-months pre-ballet class this fall, which she enjoyed a lot. She's quite taken with ballerinas lately, but I'm not sure if this has more to do with the outfit than with dance. I will enroll her again at some later date, because the timing didn't really work for us, the class starts when Ivan has to nap. *** In general there is hardly anything toddlerish about Veronika anymore. There are some potty accidents and the occasional crying fit, but overall her demeanor and her speech are kid-like more than anything. She's ready for almost any activity and will love to assist with Ivan whenever she can. She loves the big-sister-role and wants to do everything for him, which most of the time he doesn't appreciate because he is almost two and wants to do things by himself. Veronika has high hopes for the new baby to be far more cooperative. I hope for her sake she doesn't get too disappointed... 1880@http://www.souzek.com/veronika/ Parental Commentary 2007-11-28T10:42:51-05:00 http://www.souzek.com/veronika/archives/2007_09_02_prayers.php 1781@http://www.souzek.com/veronika/ Parental Commentary 2007-09-02T21:27:56-05:00 http://www.souzek.com/veronika/archives/2007_08_23_four_and_more.php Veronika is four years old and her life is all about the continuous geyser of ideas in her head competing to find expression, mostly through talking and pretending. The pediatrician tells us that's why it's not unusual that she "stutters" now, because there's so much happening in her head that her mouth can't satisfactorily keep up. She has been a serious talker for some time now and when her ability to speak doesn't cooperate, it can be a frustrating conversation for all parties. Veronika: Papa? Papa: Yes? Veronika (more loudly and deliberately with each repetition): I'm... I'm... I'm... I'm... I'm a little baby and... (starting over) I'm... I'm... I'm a newborn baby and my name is... (starting over again) I'm... I'm... I'm... little Noni baby newborn. It's not always this pronounced and it comes and goes according to a number of factors, mainly her level of emotional excitement. For those of you that are reading this and not able to speak to her, it's also important to know that the volume of her speech varies similarly. When she gets excited, she doesn't yell but talks loud enough to make you wonder if she has a hearing problem or a voice immodulation disorder. When her good friend The Dude came to visit a few weekends back, she went downstairs to greet him with some friendly conversation and he brought her up the stairs and said, "Wow, she got loud." The next weekend we were on vacation in Rhode Island and eating our continental breakfast in a quiet room of the hotel when Noni started to tell a story loud enough for all guests to hear: "Yesterday, at the hotel..." When we responded with some hurried shushes, a man at another table said he'd like to hear the end of the story. And does she ever have a lot to talk about. She loves to tell stories, about what happened earlier in the day or the week before or the last time she visited Grandma, about what predicaments Thomas and his friends got into in today's episode, about what happened with her friends or at preschool. What's really emerged in the last few months though has been her fascination with pretending to be someone (or something) else. Her favorites characters are Meow Meow the Cat, Rebecca the Teacher, a little baby (usually Baby Elena lately) and a mama. Apart from the cat, these are all drawn from the people closest to her in her life, so it makes sense, but I think I find her mama character most interesting. She has three children (dolls) so far, in order from oldest to youngest: Maya (Mama's suggestion), Elena (my suggestion) and Stella (her friend's baby sister's name). Each of them needs to be fed (by spoon, bottle, even nursing (!)), put to sleep and played with. We have even been privileged enough to see some of these children born, some multiple times. This usually consists of Veronika lying down in her bed under the covers, putting the doll under her shirt, and a little waiting... then the baby is born! One time Maya was born three times between dinner and bedtime. She is such a dedicated mother. Last weekend we went camping, just Veronika and me. I wanted her to be able to go as a young child like I did but Ivan's not really old enough (in our estimation) to go yet, so I decided to make it a special father/daughter weekend, some time with me where she doesn't have to compete with Ivan for attention. (It will surprise no one to learn that I now hope to have a special weekend every summer with every child we have, but that may become untenable as we near ten. Dinka is not laughing.) We had a lot of fun: weathering a tent-shaking storm on the first night, riding bikes, swimming, making s'mores, etc. She was very into all camping-related tasks, what needs to be done and when and how she could help. The most surprising thing about the trip, which I didn't even appreciate until we got back, was that there was no crying, no ecstatic jumping, nothing on either end of the spectrum for two days, just a lot of even, relaxed fun. Of course there was laughing and talking and plenty of pretending, it was not sedate fun, but I took this change as a sign that she was able to relax and be herself, to let go of whatever normally troubles her. And that is exactly what I was hoping for. If you'd like to hear more about this, feel free to give her a call. Just be prepared to hold the phone away from your ear. 1769@http://www.souzek.com/veronika/ Parental Commentary 2007-08-23T21:13:51-05:00 http://www.souzek.com/veronika/archives/2007_06_16_if_only_life_was_like_preschool.php Last Wednesday was Veronika's last day of preschool before the summer. It was celebrated as all occasions at preschool - with lots of sugar in the shape of character cupcakes (Dora!) and giant Cheetos. The children were all wearing their self-decorated t-shirts and the parents received yearbooks documenting the highlights of the year. It did make me feel quite wistful. I am a little upset with the preschool for making everything into an event where I have to ponder the passage of time and the fact that the children indeed are growing. Could they not just let my feelings lay dormant and perserve my blissful ignorance? But anyway. Veronika loves preschool. At the last parent-teacher conference (I know! In PREschool!) I got a glowing review from Ms Kelly - Veronika's #1 idol. She learned so much! What difference between now and back in fall! She learned how to speak up and overcome her shyness and she always listens the FIRST time you tell her something (what?! traitor!) and she looooves to help other kids and she loooooves art and she looooves to clean up and the other kids love listening to her... I had left Ms Kelly that day with one of those rare feelings that I'm not doing so bad as a mother after all. Saying goodbye for the summer also means not having a bunch of other kids to play with and Veronika has lots of friends. "I have 6 friends mama! Emma, Ellie, Adam... uh, ah... Emma, Ellie, Adam, Kaylie.... Christopher and Theresa!" I will be setting up some playdates of course, but it won't be the same. Most of all I can't provide the structure preschool offers. First free play, then circle time ("Today is... Monday June... etc." Veronika reenacts that part daily), then art, then playing outside, then snack and then storytime and pickup. On the other hand I'm not too worried as I can also see that Veronika is somewhat relieved to have less structure in her life. Everyone needs a vacation. At the end of her last day, Ms Kelly had the kids sing several songs and even dance to one. Veronika stood still, frozen in time throughout. She kept glancing at me with this very serious face and while all the children were singing and signing and hopping she just stood there... not giving in one inch in her determination to NOT PERFORM WHEN ASKED. I would've liked to see her join the other kids, because I know she does when I'm not there, but I can also see her predicament. This is a lot to handle, last day of school, saying goodbye, performing in front of your mother... I think she just couldn't really deal. I know she loves to show off what she can do, but having her two worlds - being the daughter and being just herself - collide in this one moment was too much. That's ok though. I got a special performance of one of the songs at home a few days later (her initiative), just for me (check the video section). It was so much better to see her relaxed about the circumstances, yet focused on what she was doing. No pressure whatsoever. I totally get it, baby. Pressure brought me down every single time. Just ask your grandparents about my piano recitals... 1688@http://www.souzek.com/veronika/ Parental Commentary 2007-06-16T13:56:36-05:00 http://www.souzek.com/veronika/archives/2007_05_23_artistic_yet_real.php "This is mama and me, going to Stew Leonard's!" 1655@http://www.souzek.com/veronika/ Parental Commentary 2007-05-23T14:01:07-05:00 http://www.souzek.com/veronika/archives/2007_05_21_this_is_what_you_call_great_memories_baby.php Veronika is sitting at the kitchen table, eating her vanilla ice cream with melted chocolate and sprinkles. "Mama?" "Yes." "I want to go to baka and deda's house. I want to go on a plane and then get into their car and have only one buckle and then I want to go to Bernhard Fibich and then to Clara and Andreas' house." "You do?" (blinking with watering eyes) Veronika tilts her head and looks into the distance - you can see the pictures in her head - then smiles and looks at me. "Yeah. I wanna do that. I wanna do that again." 1652@http://www.souzek.com/veronika/ Parental Commentary 2007-05-21T15:48:26-05:00 http://www.souzek.com/veronika/archives/2007_05_18_more_proof_shes_taking_after_me.php Emma (Veronika's friend from preschool) is visiting. She is busying herself making coffee with Veronika's toy coffee machine. Veronika is doing her own thing in the background... Emma stops and asks: Veronika? Are you talking to yourself?! Veronika: Yep! It's what I do. 1648@http://www.souzek.com/veronika/ Parental Commentary 2007-05-18T16:38:33-05:00