August 16, 2008: She's five!

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This is what happens to me when I know I need to write about some major thing about my kids... I avoid it (not that it is hard these days), because I'm somehow nervous about handling all the emotions that will resurface while I'm attempting to write a coherent text. The keyboard and the monitor seem insufficient to convey exactly what I'm trying to say. But enough about me.

Veronika turned five two weeks ago and it was by far the best birthday she has had or we have had with her. Lincoln went so far as to say that maybe 5 is the best age for having a birthday. Maybe that's true, but I'd rather not start thinking about how 5 is already the beginning of the end. I know what he meant though. It's the first birthday you can really anticipate. You know exactly what is involved and what it means and the excitement beforehand as we all know is at least half of the fun. On top of that you are not demanding and everything that by age 15 or 25 you will take for granted is still new and fabulous: the cake! the presents! the guests! You just can't have that kind of fun as an adult.

I started thinking about her birthday a couple of months before, wondering if we should do/have something special like last year where we spent the day with Thomas the Train. I just couldn't come up with anything satisfying and I didn't want to hand over the birthday party to a gymnastics club or restaurant or indoor playground. Not because I dislike them that much (I dislike them somewhat) but because one, I didn't want to invite 15 kids, which is usually the minimum and two, I didn't want to spend the money and three, I realize I wanted to be part of the preparation. Maybe this is selfish, but if birthdays are for five-year-olds, then watching your child be happy because of something you did is for parents.

Eventually we decided to just to the "normal" thing and invite her friends, make cake and prepare some games. As it turned out I think that's exactly what she wanted even though she probably couldn't have verbalized it. I took her to the party store to buy invitations, cups, napkins and goodie bags. She was mesmerized by that store, I will have to keep it in mind for the future, because she is incapable of speaking or hearing in there. The amount of stuff is just overwhelming. She picked out a pinata shaped like a tiara and when we headed home she couldn't stop talking about the store and what was in it and what else we needed. I think being involved in the preparations was really up her alley.. she's a little organizer and likes to take care of things (or being in control?). We came home and the invitations had to be written and sent immediately. Again, writing cards and letters is one of her favorite things, so that worked out great.

Most of the kids came (Tea, my cousin's daughter was here already, then Drew, the neighbor's kids Kaitleen and A.J.) and several adults too (Katie, James and Jill). I had set up a craft for the kids, they were to make their own party hats. Luckily they all took to it and glitter was spilled in abundance. The engineering wasn't perfect (party hats need very thin elastic for example, anything bigger will be too tough under the chin...), but I have time to practice in the next few years. We took some pictures of the kids with their new hats. After that we had some hot dogs and opened presents (oh the presents, they would be a story themselves).

Then, finally it was time for the pinata (Can we do the pinata yet? Is it time for the pinata?). Lincoln tied it between the staircase railing and the fence outside.. and then we started hitting.. and hitting and hitting and that thing would not break. Only after the adults started helping did it budge and the candy fell out... finally. The whole thing was a lot of fun though and was probably the highlight of the party. The kids had grabbed their goodie bags and filled them with the loot for the pinata.

After that it was time for cake and candles. I had asked her what cake she wanted but her answers changed weekly and daily until I just started agreeing and concluded I'd make what I could knowing what she liked. It ended up being a 3-layer chocolate and strawberry cream cake with white vanilla frosting, with a pink and purple butterfly on it - oh and her name spelled out. She blew the candles out immediately,when I had barely set the cake down. "Mama, you gotta try this frosting, it's SO GOOD."

Ah. My baby. If you only knew.

The whole event was amazing to watch. She was so excited, so so happy but also very focused. You could see her running around, opening the door when the bell rang, making sure all her friends were doing ok and what they were supposed to. She even organized the party-hat-photo. You can see her holding Ivan's hand in it with her smile bright and ready... She kept telling me how much fun she was having .."I love my birthday, mama!" and "You had a better idea for the goodies bags!" (I think she liked the part where they got to fill it themselves instead of getting them full already). You can tell she considered herself a full member of the party-planning committee, which is so sweet... If you know Veronika, you understand that her having adult responsibilities is something very important.

She's probably never looked forward to a day so much in her life and it seems it lived up to every expectation. On top of that there was never an emotional breakdown from all the attention and excitement, no pesky toddler-hormones to overcome. She was just in her element and enjoyed herself and everyone around her. I don't know who was happier at the end of that day, she or her parents. We just couldn't really process it... Every birthday is an anniversary for us, where inevitably we think back how it all started and it's just impossible to understand it all in a calm and logical fashion. Every child still feels like an enormous explosion in your life. It's impossible to determine it's scope and intensity and a birthday like this makes you look at it again and wonder how you deserved it. Lincoln and I talked about it for days afterwards. She was so happy... She had so much fun... And she said this to me... Remember...?

Thank you for a wonderful birthday, baby girl!