http://souzek.com/nikola/ Nikola Phillip Souzek en-us lincoln@souzek.com 2011-09-18T17:24:32-05:00 hourly 1 2000-01-01T12:00+00:00 http://souzek.com/nikola/archives/2011_09_18_a_weekend_at_the_park.php Here's Nikola leaving the park on Saturday afternoon: And here he is riding his bike (for the first time!) the next day: Every day is a roller coaster when you're three. 3488@http://souzek.com/nikola/ Subtitles 2011-09-18T17:24:32-05:00 http://souzek.com/nikola/archives/2011_04_24_papa_can_we_go_on_the_u-bahn.php Nikola and I have been riding on the U-Bahn a lot since we moved to Vienna in September and we've got the pictures to prove it. Head over to this page for a special Easter surprise: Papa, Can We Go on the U-Bahn? Happy Easter! 3334@http://souzek.com/nikola/ Subtitles 2011-04-24T09:00:00-05:00 http://souzek.com/nikola/archives/2011_04_09_freedom_is_his_middle_name.php This child is wearing me out. I thought I was worn out already, but apparently there are ever more depths of worn-out-ness hidden inside me. I just reread my entry from January and there is not much more to add to it. He is still the same wild boy, except he's turned it all up a notch because he is older now, that means he is louder and stronger and has more endurance. We've moved to Austria in the meantime, which means we no longer ride in a car every day, which means we are out and about in public almost every day. And almost every day I am somewhere in Vienna with a screaming angry toddler and everyone is watching. It's not that Nikola has an angry disposition. Not at all, he is happy and exuberant and excited, always very excited! He also doesn't want to be restricted in his exuberance. Basically his mother is cramping his style by asking him to go potty instead of peeing himself or asking him to put on his shoes or stop hitting kids or... basically any request of mine is obviously asking too much. "He just wants to be free..." Veronika says and she is so right. Except he is two and a 3/4. (This 3/4 is important because someone is counting the days to three...) All my kids had the terrible twos really bad. Nikola excels at it. Besides the regular frustrations he also has a temper. He wants what he wants and he means it. In a way I can't blame him. I know where the temper comes from... Not rarely will I find myself in a real stand-off with him, boiling with anger and frustration, just like he is and instead of kicking and wailing - which he is doing - I want to hurl insults at him. Four letter words, the most fancy kind and not hold back. Sometimes, when things are really bad, I mutter them quietly, just to let off steam, to get through the moment. He usually has to tag along for whatever I do and I feel for him because most of the time it's nothing he'd consider fun. The days when I don't have to bring him and just have Ivan or run errands by myself I feel strangely relaxed and can't quite put my finger on it... until I realize that being out and about with Nikola anchors a permanent anxiety in my brain, even if he is cooperating at the time. It's just that things could change any moment and the next entering of a store or ringing the door bell could mean a screaming fit or fight or negotiation. Every small task of the day that passes without a hitch is a little sigh of relief. Not having him along turns off the permanent alarm in my head for a little while. Nikola is in love with trains and subways and trams. Moving to a city was hitting the jackpot for him. He talks about U-Bahn, Strassenbahn and Doubledecker incessantly - no exaggeration, all his cousins are familiar with his vocabulary as he greets everyone he knows with a little chat about the U-Bahn. He loves to ride all trains and usually enters a strange calm when looking out the window of the tram or train. I wish I could bottle this calm and recall it at whim. He particularly likes to look out for the incoming subway, which usually brings him a bit too close to the edge of the platform. I let him go close until the subway is visible, then I pull him back, except.. if the subway doesn't come soon enough he'd rather run around the platform back and forth, giving me and everyone else a heart attack. So I try to restrict him, which he meets with a scream you probably haven't heard since... ever. I have no chance. I will always be in the wrong. "Why is this mother letting her kid get so close?" "Why is this mother letting this kid scream like this?" Basically those are my two options. Let him run amok or let him scream amok. Needless to say I am tired. So tired. This is probably the first time in my short (or long) career as a mother where I've had moments of feeling completely inadequate of parenting a child. He is too much for me, I'd think. I love him to pieces, but I can't handle him. On the other hand I'm worried he is not going to be able to function among other people if he can't handle his own frustration.... and so I soldier on, fighting with him over everything. No more apple juice, no. (He smacks me in the face.) You can't have a third piece of chocolate, no. (He tries to bite me.) The blinds will stay up, the light will stay on, you will put on underwear, we are going home, this is the right tram, we will not wait for the other one, just because you like to ride the old cars, we are done watching tv now, we are DONE DONE DONE. (Screaming and punches rain down on me.) Once he calms down, which might take from 5 minutes to a couple of hours, he is at the end of the rope himself. Crying and hugging me. Once he regains his composure he covers me in kisses. We are like Elisabeth Taylor and Richard Burton. Scratching and screaming one minute, eternal adoration the next. A vitally toxic relationship. We can't live with each other, we can't live without. Luckily this is just a phase. That's my (only) hope, at least. 3169@http://souzek.com/nikola/ Subtitles 2011-04-09T04:02:08-05:00 http://souzek.com/nikola/archives/2010_04_29_wha.php Nikola doesn't like to eat. I'm afraid he got that from me. When I was little of course. Not now. I love to eat now. I'm thinking there is still hope for him. The list of things he will put in his mouth willingly is very short. On top of that list is tomato sauce with pasta and yogurt. Nikola loves yogurt and since I like to make my life easier I serve him yogurt once a day either for lunch or dinner. He's pretty good at eating by himself given that he loves to mess with things. Here's a little clip from about a month ago, but could've been any day of our life in the past year or so: Nikola eating yogurt from Dinka Souzek on Vimeo. (At about 2.02 he is testing his own movements on the screen...) 2949@http://souzek.com/nikola/ Subtitles 2010-04-29T20:36:34-05:00 http://souzek.com/nikola/archives/2010_01_21_where_the_wild_thing_is.php I've put off writing about Nikola... not on purpose, but it sort of happened. This is the thing, he is not like the other two. He is the type of toddler that checks off all the behaviors on the charts. Behaviors like "curious" and "active" and "constantly exploring". It is truly what he is doing, but it translates into constant running, pushing buttons, climbing, and screaming! Lots of screaming! Mostly when he can't do all the running, pushing and climbing. I am that mother in the restaurant, at the library, at the doctor's, in the store, at randompublicplace, with the screaming child, writhing and kicking and yes, screaming. Wherever we go, Nikola has to be... managed. He doesn't really go with anything. If I can, I use a carrier and put him on my back. It is the only really good way of being somewhere with him because I get to do whatever I am there for and he gets to stay in one piece. That doesn't mean he won't start wailing at some point because he is so restrained. But probably 9 out of 10 times I'll take the screaming over the running away. I don't know how the rest of the people feel about it and I wish I had a sign taped to myself that explains the situation... something like "I know he is screaming but he would only stop if I let him do what he wants, which is run around this place and touch everything and then you couldn't do your job and neither could I do what I came here for, so this little bit of screaming is not so bad, it'll be over soon and you'll forget about it. If it's ok with you, you can look away so that I don't feel so terribly selfconscious. This is standard toddler behavior, by the way, you can look it up. Totally normal. Has nothing to do with me. I have two other kids who were pretty tame at this stage compared to him, so I know it's not my fault. You can stop staring now." Yeah, something like that. It would be a pretty long sign. Just long enough for me to finish up and run. He is 20 months old. He likes running the best. It's his favorite. He calls it "woking" and asks for it every time we leave the car. He likes it so much that if I set him down in the garage, he will circle the car in giddy excitement over and over again while I fake-leave at least 5 times (that means I announce I'm going upstairs, I close the door and wait for him to figure it out and come crying) and he is not bothered by it in the least. I eventually open the door and find him still running in circles... "quick! quick!" or "wook! woking! wook!" It's adorable, I can't lie. He is just so into it. But eventually I have to pick him up and he will start screaming and turning his body into one straight line. Every time. And I will drag him up the stairs, by his body, then his elbows, and by the time we are on the top of the stairs I will barely hold on to his one wrist and then deposit him on the carpet like a teenager shoves his backpack, only more gentle. Because I love him. There he will continue writhing and kicking for a while and when he's bored with it, will move on to something else. In the meantime, I've lost 500 calories. Forget about lifting weights. Calm, rigid, inert pounds... anyone can do THAT. But ANYWAY, Nikola is actually the perfectly adorable child. He says hi to everyone he sees. It's a lot of fun to be along for that. People smile at you, their faces relax... it's nice. He is a barrel of laughs. He fake-cries and fake-smiles.. .depending on what's needed. One of his favorite role plays is to come over with his Lego Thomas The Train apart and make a scrunched crying face and say: "boken.. uh uh uh". And when he's screamed just a tiny bit too much again and I give him a look he gives me this hammy smile, showing his perfect little teeth. This is what I picture him when he's 16: Daredevil, fast, smart, chick magnet, irresistible and - sweaty. What he's not going to be: indecisive, slow, bored or clean. After having used "ja" for the longest time, he's now picked up "yep" from Noni. It's yep to everything. Except when it's NOOOO, which is most of the time. He can also be strangely cooperative at times. I'd try to put him in the high chair and he'd wiggle and scream but if I explain that he will get cocoa/cookie/whateverhelikestoeat he will look at the chair and say "OK" and let me put him in without a fight. This is rare. Which is why I had to write it down. He has really started to repeat a lot of stuff so that occasionally we can have short conversations like this: Nikola brings the Toy Story DVD: "Tory! Tory" Me: I know! It's Woody and Buzz! Nikola: Aaaaah... anayooooon! (= "To infinity and beyooond!") He has also started to replace "tanks" (Thanks) with "weh-come" which also creates funny situations. Today I was walking up the stairs at preschool with him, while several parents were waiting on top (we were too wide for them to pass us by). Once on top I said to everyone "Thank you!" and Nikola answered loudly "WEHCOME!" Everyone chuckled. See, lots of smiling faces all around. It's hard not to be infected by his exuberant energy. Except when he's screaming and hitting me. Then it's pretty easy. I know the frustrating parts of him have a positive source. I like that he is who he his. I'm not worried about him finding his way in life at all. It's like he's always known where he's going even if he's confused. He is so self-assured and adamant. I love it. Also, i hate it. There, that's Nikola in a nutshell. 2831@http://souzek.com/nikola/ Subtitles 2010-01-21T21:18:05-05:00 http://souzek.com/nikola/archives/2009_12_20_out_the_window.php Nikola's naptime and bedtime routine for the past few months has consisted of a book and a warm sippy cup of milk but lately he's added a new step. After the book is read, the lights are out, and the milk is gone, he will pull back the curtains and blinds of his window and just stare out the window in complete silence for as long as you let him. It is the most peaceful that he is all day long. I am so curious to know what he's thinking. Is there some primal urge calling him into the wilderness? Does he just want to make a trip to the Sunoco station across the street? Time will tell. 2790@http://souzek.com/nikola/ Subtitles 2009-12-20T15:00:12-05:00 http://souzek.com/nikola/archives/2009_10_21_bedtime_reading.php 2710@http://souzek.com/nikola/ Subtitles 2009-10-21T21:18:10-05:00 http://souzek.com/nikola/archives/2009_10_16_seventeen_months.php 2706@http://souzek.com/nikola/ Subtitles 2009-10-16T22:50:52-05:00 http://souzek.com/nikola/archives/2009_07_21_turning_the_corner_for_real_this_time.php 2595@http://souzek.com/nikola/ Subtitles 2009-07-21T20:24:29-05:00 http://souzek.com/nikola/archives/2009_06_17_one_year.php You know it gets dangerous when you think it went by fast. Nikola weighed 21 lbs and 6 oz and 30.5" tall at his 12-month-appt. My biggest kid yet. He has 5 teeth, three up, two down. He loves to eat and he's not very picky. Except leftovers. Most of the time he'll pass if he's had it the night before. (Really? Son? Get used to it.) Looking from the amount of entries you'd think his boy is neglected. But hey, if he is neglected, so am I. (Check my site. There.) His is the childhood though that I'm probably a bit more familiar with, although my siblings were a lot older. Just like him I was never the first to do anything and so lots of the first-child-excitement isn't there, but you can see it doesn't touch his behavior or personality at all. In fact he is probably more self-assured than any other child in this household. This is what happens when you have older siblings. Partly it's also simply because if his age. One-year-olds are bold... and dumb, but still so bold! Climbing the stairs, swishing the toilet water, eating kleenex, screeching with complete abandon, slamming the doors, investigating dangerous chemicals... it's the epitomy of "I want it all". So exhausting. He is my third child, so more than ever I am aware how short this stage is, on the other hand that also gives me less patience. Grow out of it, already! He detests diaper changes, he immediately turns over and attempts to crawl away. I have had to use my whole upper body weight to pin him down in order to attach the diaper. And, like I said, he is the heaviest so far... Last weekend we went to Washington, D.C. for a two-day-trip and even though we had a great time, Lincoln and I were ready to come home. This is a horrible age to accompany oneself while travelling. Naps could not be kept as normal and sitting in highchairs was required more than usual as well as sitting in strollers and by the afternoon of the second day the conditions were set for the perfect storm: take overtired and frustrated toddler across the National Mall and attempt to take him up to the Lincoln Memorial at the end (this failed). He screamed and screeched and screamed some more and twisted his little body in all directions trying to escape someone's arms or the stroller. (Check out the updated movie page for documentation) It prompted people to point fingers. It was a new sight to behold, right there along all the dignified presidents. He was relentless. Only hours later on the way home did he give up in Lincoln's (not Abraham's) arms, in some totally sweaty and uncomfortable position and slept like that for half an hour. This was extreme behavior, for sure, but one-year-olds generally are not prone to compromise. Nikola delights and frustrates us in equal measure. There is no cure against our enthusiasm for his laughs and antics and nose-wrinkling, down to the chubby neck and thighs... or so it seems, until he decides to be cranky for a while and we seriously think it might be time for boarding school. Nikola doesn't talk. He communicates, but not with words yet. Occasionally he says something that resembles "wooow" - an expression we have to use a lot because of the other two ("mama, mama, look! look at me!"). He does some type of nodding and a casual "uh" noise, but usually he reaches for things and screams and kicks if he doesn't want something. I had done signs with him from about 9 months on, but he didn't sign anything back. The only "sign" he will use is waving his hand when he's done eating. He loves to clap and to dance. He knows when to do those things at the appropriate times. He simply has no need to speak and I can see why. Almost at all times he is surrounded by noise and voices and communication and some type of toddler activity. All the talk necessary is being done. He just goes with the flow. I have no doubt once he is ready, it will be a matter of weeks to form sentences. I love how Nikola has joined our family and his place in it with such ease. His brother and sister adore him and he takes it for granted. He is number three with all the advantages that come with that (who needs playdates?). Whatever he is supposed to learn is being modeled right in front of him on a daily basis. I know he can't wait to join the other two and their craziness. 2543@http://souzek.com/nikola/ Subtitles 2009-06-17T16:04:56-05:00 http://souzek.com/nikola/archives/2009_05_25_turning_the_corner.php 2526@http://souzek.com/nikola/ Subtitles 2009-05-25T11:42:19-05:00 http://souzek.com/nikola/archives/2009_04_23_115_months_and_hes_walking.php And a month and a half before that he was crawling. I have failed miserably, but there it is. Right before turning 10 months Nikola started crawling like a maniac. You can see it on the links page. In my defense I did document it when it happened the firstish time... After a couple of weeks of perfect model-like crawling - none of my other kids really did this - he started standing. He loved standing. He would pull himself up and then look around in amazement and screech in delight and pride. Then he'd plop back down on his butt. This went on for a while and then he started taking steps - still screeching in delight and then plop on his belly and scurry away crawling. Walking was for show, crawling was for real. And the last two days and mostly today has has been seriously attempting to use walking for real. I am very excited. Mostly because I'm hoping he will quit holding on to my leg constantly. He will also be able to run after the other kids. I'm a little afraid of the upcoming injuries, but I guess it's part of the job. He has been saying mama occasionally and he learned how to wave good-bye. Mostly he still just likes to scream to get some attention. This works. Not for me though. Still, I can't ignore because I can feel it in my bone marrow. He has also mysteriously learned how to point. He loves to point. I don't know where he saw that, I never tried to teach him. I have tried to teach him all kinds of signs however (sleep, eat, drink, more etc.) and he just smiles his gorgeous smile back at me, but never ever repeats any of them. He doesn't say anything (besides that occasional mama) at this point. He just doesn't seem to have the need. I have heard him make some kind of talking noise today, so I'm wondering if he's practicing just the activity part of it and the content will come later... Nikola is a very affectionate baby. He comes pretty close to Ivan's need to hug and kiss, although he is definitely a totally different personality. They are both 100% mama's boys at this point. What can I say... This is a very very extremely cute stage.. he is still chunky like a baby, but displays toddler mannerisms and ideas. It's also a very terribly annoying stage, because he is capable of throwing tantrums, escaping and opening and closing things... I am anxious for him to join his siblings for playtime. I'm out of ideas. 2490@http://souzek.com/nikola/ Subtitles 2009-04-23T16:16:26-05:00 http://souzek.com/nikola/archives/2009_02_15_9_months_frustration_is_the_word.php Sizewise the chunky guy has finally slowed down and I'm glad. He weighed 19lbs 7 oz (8.8 kg) and measured 29 1/4" (74.5 cm) at his appointment. He is doing wonderful in every way, I can't really complain. I nightweaned him about around 8 months, which resulted in a week of hellish nights. He woke up at his usual 2-hour-intervals and I'd pick him up, but did not offer to nurse, which made him very upset. After that inital week, he started sleeping 6-8 hours at a time, but still reserving one waking (around 4 am usual) for a 1-2 hour screamfest. This has just stopped a few days ago and as of now we are enjoying our first full nights of sleep... unless another kid wakes up of course. All in all it went as expected, and I'm glad he cooperated. We also started feeding him foods we eat and he loves it. Generally he is a very enthusiastic eater. He hasn't figured out how to crawl, but manages to move in a radius of about 1-2 meters. This is how it typically goes (You can see a video clip of this on the links page, under Video in January 2009): Step 1: While sitting, try to grab toy Step 2: Stretch out to grab it, land on belly Step 3: Try to get on all fours while pushing yourself backwards Step 4: Assume push-up position for a few seconds. Step 5: Get stuck Step 6: Cry for mama. Needless to say this is a lot of crying in one day. When I come to help him, he immediately grabs my hands and turns himself into one straight and stiff baby, letting me know that it's walking time. It's the only thing he wants to do, the one and only and nothing else. If I ever try to sit him back down, he will resist with all his strength and then shriek and cry in anger. I don't have time to walk him all day and somehow he is not interested in standing and walking along holding on to furniture. At the end of the day I have listened to so much shrieking and crying that I'm ready to sell him to the next best neighbor. Occasionally Veronika helps me out, but he is heavy and she doesn't have the stamina to do this longer than a few minutes. Back to me. I do not like this stage. Walk already, kid! He hasn't said anything but occasionally mouths something like "ma-ma-ma". He also has learned to give kisses, which is to plaster a slobbery open mouth on your cheeky. I find that adorable, but I'm the mother, so... I've started showing him some baby signs, which he finds hilarious. Hopefully he'll take to it as well as Ivan did. 2411@http://souzek.com/nikola/ Subtitles 2009-02-15T13:03:28-05:00 http://souzek.com/nikola/archives/2008_12_17_nikola_laughs.php This is over a month old, but he's still just as cute. NikolaLaughs1107.wmv Click on it and hit "open". 2345@http://souzek.com/nikola/ Subtitles 2008-12-17T14:35:16-05:00 http://souzek.com/nikola/archives/2008_12_08_seven_months_today.php So this is what it's come down to. Three months of nothing and then mere data about the physical progress. If you read this one day, Nikola, I apologize, it's not because there was nothing to write or no inspiration. Plenty of that. But you are my third and the nanny still hasn't showed up. There are only so many hours I have and my life is simply crazy. Maybe you will know what I mean one day. I kind of don't wish it on you, but I have to warn you that unfortunately without the craziness you'll also miss out on a lot of joy. Nikola is the happiest baby on the block. There are few times he needs to cry... maybe if he's hurt or has trouble falling back asleep, but otherwise... sunshine all the way. He has the cutest smile, he curles his nose and bares his non-existent teeth. It's like having a feel-good-mood-machine in your living room. He continues to outgrow Ivan at that time, not height, but weight-wise... which is ok, only he is hard to carry. 18+ lbs and he's not even nine months old. I still enjoy Ivan being so light. He has rolled over maybe a handful of times, but otherwise doesn't seem very interested in it. Again I am fine with it, I don't really understand the appeal of rolling either. He has been sitting now for several weeks. Quite stable (the ample bottom helps). Occasionally he will tilt and fall on one side and sometimes even end up on his belly and most of the time he will be just fine with that development. I tell you, he's a happy kid. I wonder when he will walk - he is eager to do stand but this is where weight might work against him. We'll see. Then again he has two reasons to do it quickly. They are 5 and 2 years old. Speaking of siblings, he is completely mesmerized and fascinated by them. He loves to watch them do anything. While he hangs out in his entertainer or bouncy they run around and behave like monkeys and he can't get enough. He is their biggest fan, eternally impressed with every silly face or noise. I can't wait to see the three of them go nuts together. Since we had been singing "Take me out to the ballgame" continuously more or less for 6 months he knows the song and every time we play or sing it he gets all grinny and jumpy and just loses it infant-style. I will have to record it sometime. One of the things he does, which I don't know if the other two ever did with such gusto is to grab your face or hair in delight when you pick him up. It's the most adorable and at the same painful thing to experience. He is so happy, smiles his big grin and then grabs and pulls you close to him, his whole body tightened from excitement... while I want to kiss him and scream at the same time. Maybe all this pain is good for my skin? Nikola is also the best sleeper so far. He is like Veronika used to be for a few months as a baby (until it all fell apart): Wakes up to nurse, then goes back to sleep. I still keep him in my bed for convenience sake, but I'm getting tired of it, so hopefully he will not torture me too much when I try to wean him at night and keep him in his crib. He will have occasional bad nights where he wakes up, not to nurse, but to TALK. He just lies there blabbering happily, but loudly... which is genius if you think about it, because while it keeps me awake I also can't do anything about it, because he doesn't need me to hold or feed him, since he is not unhappy. And so I move to some other part of the bed as to not inspire him further with my presence. It helps somewhat and he will fall asleep on his own anyway eventually so why am I complaining? 8 out 10 times he will fall asleep on his own, during the day as well as at night. (I KNOW! MIRACLE!) I didn't teach him this. I don't think I could have, otherwise my other two kids would've done the same. The other two times he splits more or less evenly between nursing to sleep and those nights where he just won't go to sleep without being carried for a while. I don't think I will ever have a baby like this. I am aware. 2331@http://souzek.com/nikola/ Subtitles 2008-12-08T09:46:14-05:00