"... no, I'm no supermom" (Scrubs. You know.)
Just had a conversation about this with Dani...
Andrea J. Buchanan: I definitely think just about everyone can relate to having moments of feeling overwhelmed by parenting, especially in the early years, and it absolutely is something difficult to talk about. I was just talking with a group of women at a reading this weekend about the vulnerability of parenting .... It's important to be able to vent about these moments, just as it's important to be able to share our happiness and joy over other aspects of our experience. Traditionally, though, mothers have been expected to only talk about the latter, and voicing our frustrations with some of the more difficult moments can be tough - we expose not only our ambivalence, but our vulnerability.
Why is it so hard to admit you are having a hard time raising kids 24/7? Because it means you probably don't love your children.
Posted at 07:51 AM on February 24, 2006 | Comments (1)36-week-update with a 35-week-photo. Yes, I am bigger now. No, it's not twins, yes, my due date is right, shut up, SHUT UP!
The ever-returning conversation at the library counter:
Person comes up to check out books. As we greet each other, the glance jumps from my face to my midsection. Silence. I proceed with typing and swiping while the patron gets antsy, he/she taps the desk, switches the weight from one foot to the other, the glance firmly on my belly. I can feel it coming. It's right there on the tip of their tongue. Come on, let it out. You know you want to, you have to. Just do it. DO IT!
- Sooo, when are you due? (Aaaah, finally, there it is.)
- March.
- Woow, that's still a ways away. (Shocked glance, still firmly on my belly.) Are you sure?
- Uh-huh. ("Whaa, whaa, I'm 8 months pregnant?! No, no, when did this happen?!")
- Looks to me like you could go any minute!
- (Silence. Tensing up of fists.)
- So, do you know what you're having?
- A boy.
- Is it your first?
- No, I have a daughter.
(And now the million-dollar-comment, the single most original and appreciative one, because you know, who would want TWO of each?!)
- Oh, so that'll be great then! You'll have one of each!
- Yeah. (Makes shooting noises while pointing finger in shape of gun. Not really. Wishes she could.)
- Well, good luck then!
- Thank you. You're all set, here's your receipt. (Silently wishes him/her immediate and incurable baldness. Not really. Still wishes she could.)
Life can be so nice
Pssst... It's been 4 days since anything like this has happened. I'm not sure if Veronika is aware, but please don't remind her. At first I just went to bed happy. On day two I started wondering where all this inner peace was coming from. On the third day I started counting the tantrum-free days and now I don't know what to think. Should I just be happy and not care what happens? I had myself in such a tight grip. The amount of self-control it takes not to turn into Cruella DeVil after those episodes is not measurable in human terms. And now, if I relax, what will happen? Will it return with a vengeance and I will have to start over with the merciless training in self-restraint? Or will life just be swell and rosy? What? What?
The thing is, I love it. Oh, I am in toddler bliss! I have only fuzzy thoughts about my daughter. We communicate successfully, things get done, nobody is upset or crying. We play, we put our shoes on and we take them off at reasonable times. She picks out underwear and puts it on within 10-15 minutes. She sits down at the table to eat, she uses the bathroom when necessary and the time between (friendly) order and completion of task is short, oh, SO SHORT.
It is an unexpected honeymoon. We are one happy couple! Interestingly with the disappearance of tantrums there has been much more affection. I get hugs and kisses out of the blue numerous times a day! It is a love fest. It's almost sickening how harmonious things have been this week. This is not reality. Reality is grim and imperfect, no? Reality, where are you? How can I be really real with all this sanity in and around me? This will ruin my artistic career! Happiness, you evil drug, lulling me into comfort and joy! Oh well, what can you do. The uprising of the proletariat will have to wait. I am too busy indulging in my petty bourgeois happiness.
Posted at 04:29 PM on February 10, 2006 | Comments (2)