God Only Knows
There hasn't been a day in the last few weeks and months that I haven't thought at least once a day: my life is perfect. It might sound presumptuous or blinded or just plain dumb, but I can't find any other way to look at it. Dreams have become reality - especially those I could've never dreamt. I know it's not the perfection of every possible aspect, just a feeling of satisfaction and fulfillment that seems to have come out of nowhere although it clearly has a purpose.
I get bored, the day is repetitive, my dog annoys the heck out of me, I don't want to think about groceries, I don't get to use my brain, I don't want to wake up three times at night, why is there dust in this world and why is that one of the main issues in my daily life right now? And then I sit down and cry because I'm so happy my daughter just learned how to laugh.
Every night I thank God a million times that I am here and this is it. I know it's not always been this way and it won't. I will not be scared it can be over tomorrow, though. Because even if it is - this is not some crazy lottery-luck. It's true, I didn't deserve it, who could? But what is the price of fulfillment? Who could get it for me or take it away? You can't trade the sense of purpose.
Anyway... I am so happy!
Posted at 09:51 AM on November 25, 2003
Was für ein schöner und positiver Eintrag. Ich freu mich so, dass es Dir gutgeht Dinka!
Alles Liebe, Kathrin