Lessons in identity: 3.What happens when you become foreign genetically
It has not yet been established to 100% whether lifestyle and living conditions can or cannot actually change the genetic structure of a person. Ok, maybe it has. Educated people will know that, so please correct me if I'm wrong.
I am sure though that the existence of the "foreign gene" has not been scientifically proven yet. Nevertheless I have strong reason to believe that there is one. I believe you can only acquire it but not be born with it. I am not too convinced of my theory though. If you hear of a research, project regarding this matter, please submit my name and address. In the meantime I will offer you my own theory on what the "foreign gene" is and how it manifests itself.
The foreign gene has no other function than to make you easily identifiable as "foreign" to nationals of any country. If you have the foreign gene, you are foreign in general. This means that your being foreign has mutated from a condition that usually only occurs in relation to something else to a completely independent permanent state, detached from any comparison to "non-foreign". You are just that - foreign. Now what do I mean by that? Well, you are all the things associated with this word: different, unusual, always a step behind or ahead, always visible, not adapted, obviously not from wherever you are living at that moment, you don't fit in, you always have to ask how things are done and generally have a strong tendency to compare everything and everyone to what you have previously assumed to be "normal".
Many might argue that the foreign gene only exists in the perception of the individual who thinks has it, but not to the rest of the world. That's a valid point, but if you think about it, does that really make a difference? If you feel foreign, in the realm of the consequences of what that means for you, only your perception is relevant after all.
Now how does the possession of the foreign gene impact your life? First of all, you are painfully aware of your foreign state. It doesn't matter if other people can tell or not. There seems to be a big bold sign on your forehead that indicates: I'M FOREIGN. Some people actually must be able to see this, because they will invariably always think of that word first when they see you. You might try to convince the surroundings that they are mistaken, but it will be futile. At first you will try to adapt, you will try very hard and you will reach incredible levels of adaptation. This will definitely improve your life, but after a while you realize that your, now smooth functioning in the unfamiliar surroundings, seems to be only a protective layer on top of what you still are: foreign. You will be successful at fooling some people to a certain extent, which will give you satisfaction and relief. It will also make you feel as if you had special powers and you might experience the "invisible observer syndrome". This syndrome makes you feel like a permanent observer of the happenings around you, it does not allow you to fully participate in them. It is a common side effect of the foreign gene. The advantages are that it will make you think you see things more objectively than everyone else. I am not sure if you truly do, but again, in this condition only your perception counts.
Having the foreign gene will leave you feeling lonely and left out a lot. Even in situations where this is not the case, but as we have established, this gene distinguishes itself from the mere fact of being foreign, as it is unrelated to actual facts. The good news is, that you will realize though that this gene is part of you - just like any other body part. You might not like your eyes, your nose or the way you walk but at the same time you know it wouldn't be you if these things weren't the way they are. It's the same with the foreign gene. You ask: Why am I always different? Well, just wait until you find yourself in a situation where people suddenly don't consider you foreign or you think you are not. It might cause fear, anxiety or even panic. Be forewarned: you can't escape the foreign gene. It is your natural state of being, whether you like it or not. Your body will signal you to remove yourself from surroundings that seem to mask or try to alter this state. Listen to yourself. Don't fight it. You have the foreign gene. Live your life accordingly.
You wrote:
"This means that your being foreign has mutated from a condition that usually only occurs in relation to something else to a completely independent permanent state, detached from any comparison to "non-foreign". "
Does this mean that there is no place that you do not feel foreign or no place that you are not perceived as foreign? Or both?
Is this "gene" genetically passed on? Will Suzie inherit the foreign gene?
P.S. I see you have the supa-fly link on the left. I love Matt. He rocks.
It mostly means that there is no place I don't feel foreign. Sometimes, rarely people don't notice that I'm not from the area, but that's rare - and that includes all the countries I've lived in.
You know, once you leave a country, coming back is not the same.
I don't know if the gene is passed on. It might be. We'll have to see.
Have you been reading Matt's site? It's pretty interesting, huh?
Matt is so cool. He truly is super fly.
So, you feel foreign everywhere. What's the longest you've lived in one country? Is it at all possible that the foreign feeling could ever fade? Would you really want it to? Isn't it an intrinsic part of Dinka?
i've lived the longest in austria, from 8 to 24. i don't know if the foreign feeling can ever fade. it can diminish - it certainly did in austria, but it never went away completely. ask me on my deathbed ;)
and no, i wouldn't change it... like the entry says, it's me. it's my natural state of being...
Hi, Dinka!
I wrote this comment a few days ago but my little girl didn’t allow me to finish it.
Well, your lesson no 3. sounds very ... hm, depressive and anxious. Last two lessons were more optimistic and it seemed, to be "foreign" was very funny and exciting. OK, I know that you actually like your life in a foreign country, but it is interesting to see how this fact can follow you wherever you are. Just like genes. The "foreign gene" maybe can't be written by A,C,G,T letters, but I was so frightened when I realised how firmly and deeply is it printed in your body.
But, don't worry. Everybody has some "genes" that follow him everywhere. I also have at least one and have to "live my life accordingly". And I think you are enough strong and good person so you can face your "foreign gene" and tell it "Ko te pozna! - Who knows you! "
But, be carefull! Genes are inheritable! I only hope that Lincoln's "non-foreign" gene is dominant. :-)
Regarding your entry from April 09, I can't help you. I think it's OK that you are anxious... and expecting, because something will surely happen to you. Maybe you will not notice that at the very beginning, but after some time you will see that you have to change yourself. Don't worry, you will be the same Dinka, but you will have to become more altruistic and unselfish. You will be just better Dinka. Maybe some people reach this level of perfection without having children. But my little Tea helped me a lot in my efforts to achieve what I call “better relationship with God”. When you have to wake up and give her a bottle of milk, you have to forget yourself and your desperate need to sleep. It is not important. Your baby is more important than you. Its life is more important than your. At the beginning you can’t accept this completely (theoretically you can, but not physically!). One day I remembered the Christ’s words (my english is not the best): “Those, who save their life, are going to loose it, and who loose their life, they will save it”. Yes. It’s true. Now I see that, and say “Thanks” to Tea. Babies are small angels who lead us closer to the word “Love” and to God. Yesterday, a woman in church saw Tea and said “This is how angels look like!” Now I know why…